SEINFELD - THE FLYING SAUCER © 1996 BY STUART ROSEN     SCENE A   INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY George is standing in the kitchen. Jerry and Elaine enter. Elaine is carrying a box of dishes. JERRY Be careful with those. Those are my special dishes. ELAINE I really appreciate this Jerry. You don't know how much this means to me.   Kramer enters. He almost collides into Elaine with the box. KRAMER Whoa, Nelly! (Looking at the box) Oh, Jerry, you're special dishes, you're taking them out? JERRY Yeah, Elaine is borrowing them. KRAMER Congratulations. When's the wedding? ELAINE What wedding? KRAMER Well, Jerry doesn't bring those dishes out for just anybody. It has to be a special occasion. ELAINE Well, I'm not getting married, yet, but it is a very special occasion. Two night ago Randall, that's this really rich guy I'm seeing, took me to meet his parents. So, tomorrow night I'm having them over to my place. GEORGE He's rich, huh? ELAINE He's from the Wallensworth family. KRAMER Not the Wallensworth of Upstate New York?! ELAINE Connecticut, actually. KRAMER Ooohhh. Faw-faw-faw. GEORGE You've heard of the Wallensworths? KRAMER Who hasn't? ELAINE (TO JERRY) Hmmm. Faw-faw-faw.   Elaine takes a dish out and blows on it. Dust goes flying up in the air. ELAINE When was the last time you used these? JERRY I've never used them. ELAINE You've never used them? You mean you've never had a special occasion? JERRY I've had plenty of special occasions. They've just never involved more than one other person, that's all. ELAINE They're very nice. Aren't they nice?   She hands one to George. GEORGE Yes, they are. Obviously you didn't buy them yourself. JERRY They were my Nana's. They're fifty-something years old.   Elaine holds up a saucer to the plate George has. ELAINE Look how fancy the design is. GEORGE So delicate, yet so bold. ELAINE I love the way it swirls around the edge like that.   George looks at them funny. ELAINE What's wrong? GEORGE I don't know. ELAINE Are they cracked? GEORGE No. Hmm. That's funny. JERRY What?   George goes over to the box and takes out another plate. GEORGE Look, the pattern's different on this one. ELAINE Are you sure? JERRY It couldn't be. It's a matching set. GEORGE No, they're definitely different. JERRY Let me see that. GEORGE See how this one swirls. A little to the right, right? JERRY Yeah? GEORGE This one swirls to the left. JERRY No! ELAINE You know, he's right. GEORGE I know my swirls. ELAINE It does swirl to the left. GEORGE These definitely swirl to the right. JERRY What difference does it make? ELAINE Jerry, this is a very important dinner party. JERRY No one'll notice. KRAMER That's not true Jerry. This swirl can ruin everything. JERRY Oh? And I suppose a swirl ruined your life? KRAMER No. It ruined my uncle's. ELAINE How did it ruin his life? KRAMER You wouldn't want to know. JERRY Don't encourage him. It's just a little swirl. KRAMER It may just be a swirl to you, but if it swirls the wrong way, it could swirl right down the toilet! ELAINE What happened to your uncle? KRAMER Well you see, my uncle was up for this very important promotion, so he invited his boss over for dinner. Well! After cocktails were served - chilled caviar and goose liver pate - they were serving the main course, when it happened... They brought out the plates, and there it was! For everyone to see! ELAINE What? KRAMER His plate didn't match the others! JERRY And that spoiled the whole dinner party, I suppose? KRAMER Oh worse than that, Jerry, much worse! He stared at that plate the whole rest of the evening. He tried to be a part of the conversation, but his eyes were just fixated on that plate, that mismatched plate! Well, I don't have to tell you what happened next. ELAINE Yes, you have to! KRAMER It's too horrible, I can't. JERRY You might as well, you've gone this far. KRAMER Okay. The boss didn't think my uncle was friendly enough. He said he needed to be more talkative. He didn't get that promotion, Jerry! He died a broken man! ELAINE No! KRAMER Yes! JERRY Oh, alright already! KRAMER First impressions, Jerry. They can be deadly if you don't get them right. Don't say I didn't warn you.   Kramer exits.   Go back to Writing Page or you loved it so much, you just have to contact me!